Reigning Hope

What a delightful surprise!!! Today I was walking down a familiar path; well rolling actually (I was pushed!) Either I slipped, tripped over a branch on the way, or some other common befallment. My memory- it’s kinda foggy still, it was such a blur everything happened so fast and well, I can’t legally claim that it mattered enough to remember the exact moment I went from walking to rolling or the specific thing that caused my foot to slip and my whole life to drastically change forever. But I digress.

I am here to tell the story of a real life miracle that I personally encountered, I thought you might find it blank blank!!!! -you can fill in the blank with whatever you are looking for in life, that causes you to feel empty, or hungry. Kinda like food hunger but different in a way.

Behold the difference between a puppy and a rock. The difference is one is alive and the other is not. One is a real pet and one is not. Although the truth and the fact of this matter is that someone can hunt for a rock, catch a rock, name a rock, even talk to it, dress it up as a baby, believe it is alive with all their heart, have a pet cemetary seyonce for all the tea in china even, and it is still true that the rock is not alive. It is not your ‘real’ pet, and it is not your friend. It has no soul, or spirit or breath. It is not alive, and never will be. You may follow me to the positive side now, as we will be examining each aspect through the wonderful phenomenon of opposites. I love how it balances everything out….anyhoo….the puppy is getting whiney with us not paying attention to it, it wants some comfort, it is scared, it is hungry, and has just pooped all over the ground instinctively and involuntarily, yet necessarily. Because of course, unlike the rock, the puppy is alive.

There were puppies thousands of years ago, and there could be puppies in thousands of years, it is possible. But the life of that puppy, your puppy, is today and now, not tomorrow or yesterday. You have to take care of your pet or it will die, and then the rock and your pet will be equal, lacking life, and who is to judge weather or not the puppies’ life mattered at all? Should he have ever been born? It seems his life has been selfish, and totally useless to the universe at large and the same with the earth that we, living fleshly creatures, all live in. What was the ultimate difference between the live puppy, who had flesh and bones formed especially for him in his mother’s womb; who lived, breathed, consumed, and wasted his days breathing oxygen and running around after pointless things- and the rock; who was never alive at all, who had no breath, no mother to seed it, no father to fertilize it, and no growth to sprout it? No rock family to be with or make memories with. No souls were touched at all by the rock.

In this experiment, perspective is the magic wand of science, it fixes all of the ethical, moral, and even more questions that come along the way. My perspective is all I know, and all I have.. all I have a right to. When I open my curtains at my home, I look through the window GOD made and see all of the wonder that He created. I usually do not see it glorifying Him in a direct, choice driven method, or see it as a good thing; most of the time. But I believe though. I believe that the Lord created the heavens and the earth. How He did it, none of us can know or do know. I believe each person does sense it, that He is here, that there is a method to the maddness and that He is always in control of everything.I don’t know this by nature, but I perceive that God made everyone because He loved us and wanted to have a family. He made each person with great expectations and high hope, an excellent standard. It may very well be that He put one thing about Himself inside of each one of us- even “bad” people.

Just think, even the ‘bad’ people have bad people in their own lives. They are not bad, they are just trying to make it in a dog-eat-dog world….unashamed that they are bad people to you, unapologetic in their completely clear concience…being unaware of the thoughts you think toward them. They go on. The sun rises, the world turns, the sands of the hourglass fall. Each one having it’s own note to play in the greatest ballad ever composed, the only ballad rather. It is called time, it is called history, it is called life on earth. It is called humanity, called the sons and daughters of YHVH, the most high God. God IS ONE, His name is YHVH.

I know I was brought forth from being something like a rock, to being something like the puppy. I was naught before I was born. I was not here on earth or anywhere really. Just in my Father’s ultimate plan of salvation, as if that is not significant- it is; but I can’t legally say that I was living then. I was not in the human body that I have lived in since I came forth into this place in 1984. Was I anything before I was born? Can’t say for sure but I am so so so glad to be alive now. I would rather be in hell than not to be at all.

Even the worst of the worst days being alive (think to the life of a gnat, or a fly stuck in a spider web) I would still, definately, without a doubt choose life over unconciesness. I would rather be in hell than just not to be….but I reserve some wiggle room in my words, albeit, with my lack of being to hell and all. The real hell that is burning in the center of the earth right now. Well, now that I think about it.. the agony, loneliness, regret and horror of hell, I’m sure it’s worse than anything I could ever imagine. Maybe..just maybe I would scream, “I’d like to take back my choice from that day that I decided that hell was better than nonexistence!” Hopefully I’ll never have to scream that though, by the grace and mercy of Yeshua.

If only there were rewind buttons on your real life. Would you, could you? Rewind back to before you were, and just never hit the play button. Just left your chances with “probably going to hell, so I’m not gonna take that risk, no-sir buddy.” Back to my walking story now, all I know is that it happened suddenly and then it was like; well.. I myself was like the Great and Mighty Titanic sinking.

I remember that day. It was a day I lived over and over and over again inside my mind, my brain continually working out the details of what could have led to such a colossal devastation. What could have been done to save the passengers aboard who, ignorant of tragedies of such magnitude, were like mere gnats drawn by a friendly, familiar wind blowing gently. Gently, no-harm-no-foul wind. You know, the kind that gets you by but doesn’t rip your roof off like a helicopter might. Leading me on, on and on, coasting safely, right straight for a huuuuge bloodthirsty gnat-loving spider’s web.

In that bitter moment it is like a shock goes over you…you are unable to locate the source of the doom, nor override it’s control over you. So you succumb to nature; and twist and turn and kick and scream and use up all of your measely human energy that you had left for any hope of survival. Then the giant spider king appears, as a man gloats over a kill he brings home to the hungry family. It’s glory time for the gigantic spider. He made a web out of his own pride, his own self. He built it with his own blood, sweat, and tears; and the hard work has obviously paid off.

He is a successful blood sucker, today anyways; as you were stupid enough to trust the wind to blow you where you were supposed to be. “You should have known better” is what nature spells out in baby language for you, so your imbecile self can read it and know it; know it to the core. The guilt and regret are intolerable!

How could that gnat have avoided his death, his pea-sized brain replays instantly and continually. All of the last seconds before it’s death will be utter hell. What could be worse than knowing you are about to be eaten by a superior being? You are caught in his web where struggling is futile and can even dig you deeper into being “stuck”. You have been foresaken.Then falls the dignity card, always the last to go; forfeited from your hand by default. You can’t even give up your pride with self respect you gnat, you gnat you. You must watch him swagger like a king over to you in his own sweet time, when he gets the fire ready to cook a meal well deserved.. after all, his body created a web that you yourself are stuck to and man is it huuuge!

It is larger than anyone could see, in fact, it was practically invisible to the naked eye. Yet there it was, nonethless, still just as cruel, still just as dangerous, ever present, lurking even; but invisible.

And what about that evil wind , blowing all softly like everything was hunky-dory. What a Benedict Arnold that wind has been to you. A betrayer of your trust, a liar, and an accessory to murder in the first degree. Nature strikes again. The stickiness of the web you could only speculate about before it mattered that you knew how powerful it was, it did not seem important in earlier times, unnecessary knowledge, superfluous even. Who the hell cares how sticky a spider’s web is? Besides freaks and outcasts, weirdos of society. I suppose the wounded would also care, it must be easier for a spider to catch a fly with a broken antennae, he was flying all crazy and had no depth perception.

History now, never to attempt to fly whole again. They won’t be needing no fly wings where he’s going, someone pondered nervously from a spiders web. No wonder he’s so fat and sassy, he has eaten the fruit of his labors. His brain is smarter than yours, did you think of that even? The shame of my failure is overwhelming.

Who remembers whose turn it was to play in the canasta game before the ship struck the iceberg, and was it relevant in any way at all in relation to the ensuing perilous deconstruction of the sheer cream of the crop, the zenith, of human craftmanship to ever set sail? The correct answer is false. Negative, nein, neit and NO. So as the big bang theory brazenly claims an unknown explosion caused by unknown and ultimately ‘un-know-able’ means (i.e. not possible for man to know, also a limitation of being human or ‘terrestrial’; by human nature our comprehension is finite, of course the opposite is always true meaning the supernatural’s comprehension is infinite) created the entire universe, myriads of vastness, the entire host of stars, who can number them even? Galaxies unexplored, time, space and everything on Earth timed precisely so. As a master chef perfectly seasons his dishes, so is all the earth abundantly growing and flourishing.

A little girl, at any given point in time, is pretending to have her own baby and house. A little boy is pretending to build airplanes. A woman is always longing to be worthy. A man is ever pining for the company that only a family of his very own can provide, with his name on it. Not sure where they came from; not certain where they are going.

And then I rolled along down the lane super hard and fast, hitting all the bumps, brush scraping the crap outta my overexposed skin, (think road rash all over), hitting rocks and small to moderate cliffs. I just pummeled down the mountain. The path turned into a mountain trail that was naturally very pokey and abrasive to human skin and pride. I can’t decide which one hurt worse or if there was equality within the pain balance. You would think I would remember since it was only this morning that this freak occurence well, occured; but I had walked that same path a hundred thousand mornings before; every day, EVERY SINGLE DAY SINCE MY ORIGINAL BIRTHDAY. So I wasn’t expecting it.

Must have been a good four minutes (WITH mississippis mind you; not those weaker babyfood ‘imitation’ seconds that speed on by like, ‘mere’ seconds- ‘mere’ seconds being the least amount of seconds possible to still qualify as a measurement of time) before I was on the brink of death and had the idea and complete expectation that I would soon be dead. It was a purely natural conclusion to a purely natural event. Death is completely natural. When you think about it-death can only happen to natural things, it has no dominion or authority over supernatural beings. Supremecy is not even (can you believe it?) allowed to ever die by the very principle which encompasses it’s existence-nature itself. Mind boggling!

So anyhoo, my wind had been knocked out, unexpectedly of course- my bones crushed and pounded against the stony surfaces not meant for crunching through human bones like twigs. (but they do anyhow when appropriate) I officially gave up trying to stop my body from freefalling down this unfamiliar, unforgiving, relentless beast of Earth that obviously was more man than I was. I sheepishly cried “Üncle”, surrendered what strength I had left in me to this tyrannasaurus rex of a mountainside that would surely be my undoing.

I was as grass to a mower, bugs to a zapper, good as dead to anyone with a human brain or a smartphone. Then I was just plain lazy the last few miles I must admit, while spewing down a deserted path, lost and empty-handed, my body and life dehydrated. Minutes before I expired completely, a sudden rush of thick clouds came over my whole horizon, out of the blue. Instead of hurling large blocks of heavy ice, dust, and other heavy burdening and/or irritating material such as lice nests and whole frog families, as I expected from such an evil day, a peaceful hope-like substance showered down all around me and I became new. Behold, He maketh all things new, and that included me. Thank you Lord!!!! The End.

I Prefer not to be Sober

Saturday, June 19, 2010

For some reason I prefer to not be sober lately. Every morning I have a choice. The new day comes and it is a new opportunity for me to change my life. The sun rises, the world turns. It would be wonderful to realize the mercy that I may freely take advantage of. To take grace it at it’s word. Instead; I repeat the same day over and over and over. I am a slave to alcohol and drugs.

My name is Glinda. I am an alcoholic. I am a substance abuser. I really don’t know why. All the way. I just seem to prefer not to be sober. Of course this bothers me and my family. I don’t know where to begin. Perhaps I find life too depressing. Perhaps I am afraid of what may come. Perhaps, I am terrified of what lies in the past, unable to cope with what life has dished out thus far. Not sure completely; but I know I just don’t want to be sober anymore.

I have no motivation whatsoever. There is not light or joy, only pain and misery. I don’t want to go anywhere. I don’t want to leave this house. The only joy I find in life is ridden with guilt and regret. I want to be alone, so I can drink and smoke without anyone judging me. This is the closest lifestyle to suicide, I believe. I would never kill myself, because I know first-hand the utter grief and unspeakable sorrow that it bestows upon everyone that you have placed your presence upon. But this lifestyle is just like pushing the pause button on a tape over and over again. I don’t want to compose a new song, and I don’t want to hear the song that I just listened to. Ever again.

Good thing I am surrounded by crippled people and enablers. I am crippled, and an enabler. I wear both invisible badges myself. I justify my actions with innumerable hurts and wounds. I accuse others of their weaknesses to remind them that they are not saints, they have no reason to notice my demise. No reason to point out my fallibleness. I am a good person, right?

I pay my bills. I clean my house. I take care of my kids. I am a shoulder to cry on. I am fun. I am as pretty as I can be. Excellence is no where. It is not true. It betrays you every time you think that you are the best. There is always someone better. There always will be.

These justifications are obviously trite in comparison to the ridiculous right that they are attempting to support. Any idiot could spot it. Even me. I am not so blind that I do not recognize the age old habit forming solo. There can be no solace in the fact that life sucks; so you should be “on that lean” 24/7. Where is God Almighty, The Great I Am; in all this? Is this a godless situation in which the Lord of all creation does not understand what is going on? I have pondered the same thing countless times……

I had a dream a few years ago. I was 19 then. I was a new mother, and a new wife. In the dream and in real life, I was healthy. I had just broken out of a prison of decrepit debauchery. I was in a shack. In the shack there was a stout dike-looking woman. She was behind a wooden bar. I was an observer. The woman was taken out of the shack and led out of the door by an invisible force that made her leave the dwelling. I heard in a peaceful voice, “She is in bondage”. She left the building and I saw her no more.

Then I was happy. The woman seemed to be threatening. She had a spiky black collar around her neck. She seemed aggressive and intimidating. Maybe dangerous. I was left alone in the shack. I then saw a choir of young angelic children enter the building from a different entrance than the scary woman exited. They were singing a song of victory, of hope. I watched them and felt fulfilled; I felt like a winner. Just then, at the conclusion scene of the dream; behold, there was a beautiful frosty mixed drink before me, sitting on a shelf. I looked at it in awe, and then I grabbed it and took a luxurious taste. I was happy that the woman was gone, and I was celebrating.

I have since interpreted that dream to wax prophetically. I had been set free from my bondage, and I was deceived into alcoholism thusly. It’s roots were laid firmly. Now I am dealing with the reality that the prophecy was true; I have been deceived by alcohol. What I used to think was second rate intoxication compared to drugs, is now my drug of choice. It could happen to me. It happened to me.

It is happening to me. I used to think about alcoholics like “Why don’t they just smoke weed?” or “Disgusting! Why can’t they just stop drinking?”. But it is actually a little more complicated than that, I have come to find out the hard way. The web that you despise is ironically most often the one you find yourself hopelessly entangled within. That sure helps along with the condemnation. Unfortunately.

There is a fountain, who is a King. Victorious warrior, and Lord of EVERYTHING. He is absolute good. He is innocent and sinless, yet wise and understanding of OUR weaknesses. For some reason I perceive this outburst of rebelliousness and dirty actions to be completely handleable to Him. He still knows who I am, He still knows who you are. Where you are, what you are going through. The brutal honesty in all this stupidity is that God made you; He is not unable to sift out your unruliness and make you into a new creation. To heal all your wounds and forgive all your outrageous sins. The time is near. Draw close to Him, and He will draw close to you.

I still don’t know how this will all work out, but I am sure in for a surprise I’m certain. Just when you think you’ve arrived; your ship may sail away suddenly and you may find yourself up the creek without a paddle. So shall I be saved from my enemies. Well, I will certainly keep yall updated on any new developments in this unfolding saga of life, and you keep me posted too? We are all in this together, weather it be in alcoholism, perversity, hopelessness, and poverty. I love you all……………

M E

 

The Judgement

A girl of 8 was living on earth and was killed. She went down to the unseen realm of Hades to await judgement. For 18 years she was in a prison cell, guarded by 2 fake Jesus’.  One was named “aba”, the other named “ama”. They would take off their fake Jesus masks and torture her, accuse her and condemn her. She lived in misery awaiting a trial.

Though 18 years had passed, she remained 8 years old. At the end of 18 years, Aba and Ama transported her to her trial, which was also located in Hades. The court was seated as The Judge, adorned as a med-evil executioner, (face covered with a fierce black mask) entered the court and was seated.

The prosecutors began making their case against the child. Ama was the primary prosecutor. She said, “This child has been a seductress since the day she was born. She came forth NAKED! And she was shameless. She deserves to be stoned to death!”  The girl was terrified.

Countless accusations were brought against the girl and the jury stood by indignant. The girl had no defender. At the end of the trial the Executioner was handed the verdict, as the girl hung her head in utter shame. She was made lethargic by the words that had been spoken by the prosecutors.

The Executioner then removed His face covering, revealing His true identity; It was Christ Jesus! His face shone like the Sun and a sharp two edged sword went forth from His mouth. The girl was shocked to see the REAL Jesus was nothing at all like the fake Jesus’— Aba and Ama! Yet she assumed no mercy from the Judge. She did not know what the verdict would be.

He began with a scripture, “Every tongue that rises up in judgement against you, you shall condemn”. Aba and Ama rejoiced and snickered at the girl. The Judge then removed Aba and Ama’s fake Jesus masks to reveal dead rotting corpses!

He charged them with the crimes that they were accusing the girl of, and acquitted the child of all sin! The courtroom was shocked, and so was the girl. She was so grateful to the Judge, and peace came into her heart. Aba and Ama were thrown into the lake of fire, and the girl was granted total freedom to live with Jesus forever and ever. Every tear was wiped away, and no pain was ever felt again from the years of prison or the death.

Oh! The humanity!

Wee-hour wisdom, a philosophical expression as interpreted by a living thing known only as Froggy Hiney, (on one planet at least), Gleaned from the bottomless pit of a simpleton’s acquiring mind:

A thought, perhaps a theory, a manifold mosaic, Pandora’s box, enigma, puzzle, hidden truth, mystery. An intricate presence, unknown by matter, atoms, time, space, limit or boundary. Consisting utterly of the invisible. Not without faith, and faith permitting. To those gifted with faith, this can be recognized as invincible, powerful, totally viable and living. Unfathomable! Yes, fathomless to me. Precepts upon precepts, principles governing the unseen and seen, upon which all life is capable or possible, consecrated things, eternally intertwined. Proving; yes effortlessly demonstrating the concrete standard of ALL. The one, the only, the Ace, the solitary illustration DE facto- Grandfather of unknown complexity. Realization of an absolute truth, germane to the human race infinitely, including each anatomical creature who ever was, is or will be. Worth 27 years of earthly experience and quiet alien-like witness, observing the whole “shamoley”, yet also essentially being included in it’s tapestry, amongst my fellow mortals. For the Godly evolution of understanding for the simple and those with a relentless mission to dissect the universe’s labyrinth in it’s entirity . I will attempt to define, convey, acknowledge, record and express this concept as clearly as I have understand it to possibly be, God willing:

Suffering, death, misery, torture. Affliction, agony, persecution, plague. Pain, excruciation, hell, grief, lamentation. Every language, every nation, each and every generation without exemption. Not one person is immune. Every human being encounters evil and calamity. Each breath-drawer shall inescapably become unwilling partakers of a vast array of adverse potentialities. Heretofore, from the dawn of man it has been, until the last man it will march on without fail. Mechanically, habitually, chronically, unstoppably. Immediate sufferings befall the living soul at the very point of their creation. An accompaniment to all life;  blanketing all those who’s heart’s have ever beaten. Regardless of wealth or poverty, absolutely irrelevant to one’s elite social stature, a lack of popularity or acceptance within society, youth, seniority, education, beliefs, friends, occupational position, mental fortitude, warnings, knowledge, or preparation. Diddly squat, yes, not even oblivion itself, can alter one’s destined visitations of fate or encounter(s) with sorrow.

Whatsoever the case may be, several factors uniquely characterize how the pain, (or as some may say, negative energy), is interpreted, absorbed, perceived or imagined by the inflicted individual. The depth of purgatory is capacitated solely by the individual’s intrinsic mental determination of the effects of the anguish; their own personal subconscious psychoanalysis of the struggle is detected intimately. The severity, how powerful the blow, the actual perception of the pain experienced remains personally respective; exclusively within the innermost recesses of the emotional and cognitive segmentation of one’s consciousness. Suffering is dictated naught, in the slightest, by man’s usual or natural presumptions or reckonings. The comprehension of torment is solely realized by the one enduring the tribulation; isolated from even the possibility of another’s complete understanding of the grief being experienced by one man to the next. The extent of suffering is not relevant, nor measurable from one man to another; for each encounters a pitiable state of being and or some variety of misery in their own appointed time.

The obligation of woe appears to the naked eye to be a supernatural penalization imposed from birth, upon the very character of the men, women, and children of the terrestrial sphere that we call the world. Uninvited of course, but mysteriously omnipresent to all. Arguably, yet very possibly, even the unborn children of humankind- while still forming and yet unfinished- experience fear, pain, and discomfort. To err is human, but could it be that dreadfulness is also fundamentally human? Why? That is the question we have attempted to satisfy from the ancient of days. Let’s take a stab at it.

Unavoidable, seemingly automatic suffering occurs definitely with each life that lives. This sovereign force is incapable from excusing any breed, creed or class. Consciousness, weather fully awake, aware, alert, is of no consequence to the manifestations described above. Essentially, as well as  by definition, the light of genesis is united, even married, (if you will) with darkness in a magnetic combination that cannot be reversed or separated by it’s veritable, elementary nature. This causes suffering to be experienced and encountered by all who are alive or ever have been. Could it be that there is an explanation for this unfortunate reality? I can give you a definite perhaps.

Now that the preliminaries have been established, let’s move on to the central controversy of this debacle:

Suffering unites people, engineering impenetrable bonds; being itself the source of the elixir that cures incurable conditions, universally. The negativity of anguish along with the positivity of joy is like a battery- the charge that sparks new life requires the exact paradoxical force, death, in order to even exist. In a battery, there is a plus side, and a negative side. Both must be present and functional in order for the energy to be created and become available to the user. This enlightens me metaphorically to the fact that just as life has much pleasure, happiness, peace, fun, deliciousness, and beauty, the opposite is also required to balance the necessary articles for life to occur and sustain. This ambiguity appears to massively enhance and amplify precious (yet rare) human virtues such as loyalty, respect, charity, selflessness, honor, justice, mercy, and courage. These attributes are not otherwise noticed or appreciated without one having been subjected to the tone of wickedness in a sense. This opposition creates a superior strength that is not possible otherwise, nor occurs from human aspiration; as grand as it may seem and powerful as it may falsely insinuate.

It occurs to me that without despair and the like, humanity would be incapable of truly loving another being. This delights my soul because I have not yet been privy to the information necessary for me to understand the devastation that certainly materializes in each of our lives, including mine. It had hardened my heart, causing me to silently rebuke my personal aspirations in this world. Constant potential fears of loss and anguish capable of causing me, my family, loved ones, and even foreigners whom I have never met, has deeply troubled my subconscious and secret thought life. This enigma rendered me privately vulnerable against my phobia of devastation  This caused a severe lonliness deep inside that made me defenseless to the mental torture of fear itself. This revelation, perhaps, will help heal my confusion in this matter, and I hope it will also help you my brother, my sister, my companion, my neighbor.

Excruciation produces a unique yet inevitable environment in life which each member of humanity insists, automatically, voluntarily, to sacrifice their entire possession, whatever they have to give, be it material or invisible, in order to help a brother or sister to survive and grow, to ease pain, protect, or heal.  People, ordinary regular old people, when in distress or danger, will instinctively desire to aid others, compulsively. Strangers and family alike, to the point of emptying themselves completely, choosing rather to carry the burden, take the punishment, recieve the pain or to be cursed themselves- for LOVE of the life of another being. Extinction of humankind, in my estimation at least, has been impossible as of yet due to this very truth.

This phenomenon occurs naturally, spontaneously, and unanimously amongst even the hardest of men, the poorest of man, and the most unacceptable of persons. I was looking for a reason behind tragedy, besides the obvious horror of total loss and hopelessness. I looked and saw nothing good or edible. “Awake, seek, search again and you will see!” I heard, something that was not visible to the open eye or grieving heart, “Glean the remnant from the burning destruction left behind in the mess resulting from disaster and every form of death”. As manna from heaven did not generate from earthly manner, yet was absolutely present and abundantly capable to nourish a starving nation; so this matter has been explained to me by whatever means it was, and it has indeed nourished my aching temperament. Perhaps it is rational and indeed true, that this actuality has existed as long as catastrophe has been, since the ancient days, alas my eyes were blind to it.

No one is awake right now so I thought it’d be a good time to share this mystery of the universe so as to continue the mystification of hidden secrets. By chance if there is a creature stirring who may stumble upon this revelation that I’ve only now understood so late, you should stop drinking coffee after 12 and get to bed!!!!

 

A Season of Grief, Letter to the Church Part 2

This is a follow up to “Letter to the Church, A Season of Grief”, three years later.

Dear Pastor Steve and Becky,

It has now been three years since I have seen your face or communicated with you. I wanted to update you to the things that have happened to our family since our last letter. You will be hopelessly dissappointed and broken hearted I am certain, but alas I must record the truth, no sugar-coating; of what has transpired since March of 2009. Today is Feb 15th, 2012, and I never thought this exact letter or even a remotely similar letter could ever be written, nor be manifested in reality. Today is the opposite of yesterday, yet somehow the days are included within the very same lifetime.

Glinda and I expected for some reason, after being faithful to our church in our own minds, to be contacted by you. Perhaps you would call or email to console us, perhaps you would drop by to visit and pray. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. We were contacted actually, by Mike Swooper, and we made plans to meet him at his suggested time. We were excited. We were scared. But mostly we were anxious to hear what the word of the Lord had been. A true on-fire witness to the Holy Fire of the Almighty. We expected too much, to say the least. We would find out shortly.

Perhaps this story will remind us all of Naaman and Elisha, keep it in mind as you hear the events that unfolded.

We came to be healed, we came to see the Man of God. We thought we were going to a spiritual place, where everyone would be in deep worship, with the Spirit guiding every moment. Instead we came to a building made by man’s hands on man’s land, to see a man who certainly seemed ready to go eat his lunch; having to finish his appointment with us quickly- so as to not get a bad parking space at Salt Grass Steakhouse. We were blown away by the lack of experience that we encountered.

Sure, you answered us technically. Sure, you did what you could. Right? Did you pray for our family? I guess it does not matter. I guess it never did. If you did pray for us, I would venture to say that God hates you and decided your prayers should be vetoéd with a passion. That is what sight would suggest; yes, conclude. Sight is all that we sinners can sense of love… in the flesh.

Since that fateful yet disappointing meeting together, silence is what came to us. Panic attacks are what came. Post traumatic stress disorder is what rocketed to our home and hearts. Not immediately, as it is said- it was a” slow fade” indeed. Although slow torture- as I derive, is the worst form of suffering that life is capable of producing, and death is it’s fruition of fancy.

Pastor, since that day, my wife has spiraled out of control to a pitiable rock-bottom shell of a woman; she is deflated in every sense of the word. She is not covered by the blood of Christ it seems, and is on her way to her eternal home in the lowest pits of hell itself. She is a VIP in the section of Hades called “PEOPLE WHO GAVE UP“. We cannot barely lift our eyes to see the sun in the morning, for shame of the sin that so bloodily covers our hands; our salvation being violently murdered by Satan himself. He came to kill, steal and destroy. We’ve regrettably witnessed his masterful work as professionally as he has executed his will in our lives. Our family has partaken together of satan’s woes; his cold blood-thirsty stains seem unable to be washed from our clothes, it is that strong. Don’t believe me? Think I’m exaggerating?

Behold: This day my wife is an adulterer, a liar, a thief, a manipulator, a drug addict, a severe alcoholic, a mean drunk, a lazy wife, an unfit mother, a felon, a mentally incapacitated invalid. She is the epitome of failure in every sense of the word. She defines the disaster that is possible if your really want to be the best at being the worst. A shame and a pity, a disgusting sight to lay eyes on. Obnoxious to even be near such a being. A worthless, good-for-nothing. The salt that has lost it’s saltiness and is cast out to be trampled by men. She is just like the people whom Christ Jesus came into the flesh to save. Just like them. Just like you.

But one might say,

“I am NOT like her, I am a good person, Jesus loves me so much, he died for me! Don’t say such things Miguel, you must be smoking crack, you…you crack-smoker! Blasphemy I tell you, utterly perverse lies!”

But I tell you, oh foolish man, that you are a bald face liar, the worst lie ever spoken or believed. Deceit has blinded the one who believes it. Deception is the ruler of the one who thinks it so.

How can this be? Jesus Christ is holy, and he demands we be holy too! Of course he does. But our holiness is not generated from ourselves, rather, it is totally and completely coming from God Himself. We are the righteousness of God in Christ, not the righteousness of God period. Without Christ, one is only able to be unholy, one is empty, one is dead.

Glinda is dead. Glinda is gone. Rest in permanent death, the second death, for she has made her bed with Lucifer, son of the morning, so crazy as to not realize that it is not too late to shack up with the KING OF KINGS and LORD OF LORDS. She might as well be dead. Right? RIGHT???

Wrong-O my friend. He desires that none be lost, that none should perish in ignorat sin or filthy lust and greed. Until the final heart beat, unto the very last breath…..hope. There is hope. There is only hope.

His mercy endureth…..forever.

So what do you have to say, or not say? Or what do you have to conclude, or not to conclude? What will one who reads and understands what has happened…possibly make of this all? What a pickle!!! Poor wally is lost again, though wally’s entire world was created just for the purpose of him being found by his Creator. Ironic! Don’t you think?

Just a simple update this time, not a masterpiece of impressive words or a plethora of scripture recited by memory; or even a gift and tithe of all. Just this, this is all I have. Pretty pathetic I agree. Pretty effing pathetic indeed, I do declare. But since the sh*t has hit the fan, the mess has been made, who will clean it up, Who, Who, Who?!!!!

Not me, not Glinda, not you, not the church, not satan. There is only One who is always able; One who is willing; to reach His perfectly clean hand into the dirty diaper of the naked truth. But will He?

Why should He? We knew better, Glinda knew better. She knew the word of God, she knew that what she was doing was wrong wrong wrong!!! I’ll be the first to cast a stone at her!!! Put away the evil from you and destroy the wicked!!! But let’s just explore every option that appears to us, just to be sure that we are absolutely self-righteous. Any lion-hearted christian man would do no less.

To be continued……

Sincerely,

Mr. and Mrs. Miguel Bustamante

A Season of Grief, Letter to the Church Part 1

March 3, 2009

 

Beloved Pastor Steve and Rebecca Fraggle:

Greetings and sincere love from those of the flock that the Lord has so richly blessed you both to be shepherds; a People called Faith. My name is Miguel Angel Bustamante. My wife is named Glinda Gail Bustamante. We have been in attendance at Faith community church (South campus) since April of 2004; we became members of Faith Community in that same year. We have personally met you both on many blessed occasions, please allow me to name just a few: In May of 2004 you baptized my wife and I with water at the South campus in a sacred baptismal service. Upon the arrival of our firstborn child, Ari-el, we presented our newborn to the Lord while you both laid hands on her in blessing for the dedication of her life to Him. Within a period of one year we were once again graced by your presence at the first annual Faith Bible Institute graduation ceremony, in which my wife Glinda was presented with the diploma that she had earned through the ministry of the gifted Dr. Jeffrey Seif. Glinda was 19 that year, and a classmate to your lovely daughter. Not long afterwards in the year of our Lord 2006, we were honored to also present our newborn son Jeremiah; and you both blessed him for dedication to the Lord as well. Time would surely fail us to list the many wonderful instances in which we have (face to face) encountered you two; which needless to say we have been obliged and truly honored on each and every occurrence. This relatively short history has been provided to you from our own well of treasured memories that we have in you both, as we have recorded here. Mind you, this was only recalled to draw forth our relationship to the forefront of your memories as you read on in what we have been called to share with you both today.

We cannot express in words what the Lord has done in our lives and in our family since beginning in Faith community just a few short years ago. But I will submit that He has assuredly proven Himself Faithful, True, Holy, and the Friend that sticks closer than a brother. Your powerfully anointed messages of spiritual truth, holy inspiration, and political soundness have been a guiding light to us ever so personally; and Glory to God, to this most dark world that we all are a part of. We honor Steve and Rebecca Fraggle in our hearts most definitely, and our sincere admiration for you both is obvious to all of our friends, family, and peers… for they have certainly all heard praises of truth from both of our mouths (my wife and I) expounding the glorious works that the Lord has done in and through the both of you throughout your time on Earth thus far. We are most proud to have you as our Pastor, Leader, Shepherd. We thank you for dedicating your whole lives fully to the service and ministry of the Lord, and obeying His commandments throughout this journey called life.

The reason that we are writing this letter to you is ever so hard for us to convey into words and sentences on paper. Forgive our speech, if necessary, as neither one of us (my wife as well as myself) have ever attended college or been privy to higher education or worldly eloquence. We are not anyone of importance to the world. We are quite possibly as close to the incarnation of “Joe the plumber” if there ever was such a man. However, rest assured that we have prayerfully sought the Almighty before and even during the very construction of this letter, and may even He grant us the most acceptable words to appropriately illustrate our plea before you.

Pastor Steve and Becky; the Lord Himself is the Giver of all good things, the Father of spirits, the Master of the universe. Even now, at this very moment, you know with all of your heart that it is He who grants to us each and every breath we take. Truth is revealed to His servants through faith, just as you yourselves have reminded us time and time again that faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God. It is you yourself who has taught my wife and I with and through faith; ever so diligently on Sundays and Wednesdays… it is you who has been the beloved Voice of Godly knowledge, proclaiming His wisdom from on High, with faithfulness to His word.

The testimony of Jesus Christ is the Spirit of prophecy. True. By faith we speak the truth, and walk in truth. Also, girding our waist with truth, we are able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. This letter is accomplished through much faith. In the book of James we are enlightened with the revelation that faith without works is dead. Allow me to demonstrate a passage for you that you (of course) know already very well…and much better than I; nevertheless, here we go :

“What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can faith save him? If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, and one of you says to them, “Depart in peace, be warmed and filled”, but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead. But someone will say, “You have faith, and I have works.” Show me your faith without your works, and I will show you my faith by my works. You believe that there is one God. You do well. Even the demons believe–and tremble! But do you want to know, O foolish man, that faith without works is dead? Was not Abraham our father justified by works when he offered Isaac his son on the altar? Do you see that faith was working together with his works, and by works faith was made perfect? And the Scripture was fulfilled which says, “Abraham believed God, and it was accounted to him for righteousness.” And he was called the friend of God. You see then that a man is justified by works, and not by faith only. Likewise, was not Rahab the harlot also justified by works when she received the messengers and sent them out another way? For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.”

Pastor Steve and Becky, behold : In January of 2009, we sent to you through e-mail a prophecy from the Almighty. It was given to my wife Glinda on January 23, 2009. She was not fully aware at the time the reason she was led to send it to you. Also, she consulted me, Miguel, in the final decision as to send or not to send. I felt led that it should be sent, although I did not have a full understanding of why, either. Notwithstanding, she did obey. The prophecy was entitled, “The unicorn of innocence”. A short while after it was sent to you, 7 days to be exact, it was perfected by her hand and by the inspiration of His Holy Spirit, and it was sent out a second time to you and to the staff of Faith community. Again, she (nor I) was not aware the reason that it must be sent. Yet the plot thickened so rapidly, affording us no great amount of time in suspense of His mysteries.

19 days after the prophecy was written, Feb 11, 2009; My wife’s (Glinda) only brother, Aaron Frank Horelica, (21 yrs old) tragically committed suicide by night; executing his own self; the hollow point bullet broke into his right temple and did not ever exit his young skull. He died instantly. Pastor Gene Gloor presided over the funeral (along with Mr. Scott Abraham as his assistant) which was held at South Park Funeral Home in Pearland on Feb 20th, 2009. Glinda, herself, read The unicorn of innocence aloud before the attending family (and Aaron’s fiancé’s family) as a tribute to Aaron’s life and death. There was not one word spoken by her mouth that did not hit each and every one of our nails on their heads; for every person present sat astonished with the revelations that were given utterance. Not a dry eye remained in the house of the mourning that somber Friday afternoon. Not even Pastor Gloor or Mr. Abraham. If one were to have read the prophecy before the fact of Aaron’s passing; and yet again after the knowledge of what laid shortly ahead, (just as our own family had experienced as eye witnesses) yea: it was a sobering encounter that awakens the soul of those even in the deepest of spiritual slumbers.

Only now do we realize that the plot was actually already being formed by Him well before Aaron’s tragic death. You had informed us (within the congregation) on Sunday (Feb 8th 2009) of your upcoming missionary journey to India . On that very Sunday; three days before Glinda’s brother passed; her heart was inexcusably stirred within her to pray for Aaron at prayer time, and she urged her mother with her and they went forward together. The prayer warrior was heavily anointed, although they did not learn his name. Just as my wife opened her eyes to return to her seat with her mother, (Aaron’s mother) she beheld with her eyes open an arc around her and her mother, shining like the sun in brilliance; of two colors–blue and silver, so bright that it was almost pure white. Not having expected this at all, and already with her legs walking forward, she walked right through the arc and felt as if she had walked into a person’s body; perhaps one also praying or approaching for prayer. Behold, there was no one, it was the arc itself. She had been fasting almost daily for over three weeks by that Sunday morning. However, she kept the matter in her heart privately, (as we were in the presence of the congregation at the time) but was quietly astonished to say the very least. We listened as usual to the following sermon and received the amazing message preached by you, yourself. Afterwards, Glinda shared with us (her mother and I) the unusual happenings; and her mother was moved to visit our home after service, as we live only across the street from Faith anyways.

We gathered together in prayer, seeking the Lord diligently. Tongues abounded in our company of three, as we allowed His Spirit to move. Behold, Glinda began to prophesy before us, as we listened and prayed together. She opened her mouth by the Spirit of Him who lives forever, beckoning to Him, “What is the word, Lord? What is the word?” After a few seconds of silence she spoke, weeping; “Aaron will not make it”. Then she wept much. Glinda’s mother and I were confused, to be completely honest with you. We wondered aloud of the words she had spoken, “Will Aaron be left behind in the rapture?” We asked her, “Aaron will not make…what? What do you mean Aaron will not make it?” She did not answer us. Her mother even began to gently guide the prayer session away from the words spoken about Aaron through her daughter. Then her mother received a word from Him. She declared, “Let the weak say I am strong”. It was beautiful to behold at the time. But the words could not make sense to me then.

Three short orbits of the sun later, on Wednesday the 11th of February 2009, Glinda returned from prayer meeting at Faith. She had worn her Israeli tallit that I had just barely given to her the day before (Tuesday the 10th) as an early Valentine’s day gift; as I knew she had been wanting and praying for one for a while. She loves to pray covered, and personally prefers it to praying uncovered. Her tallit was fashioned in Israel strictly in accordance with the commandment of the Lord that He commanded the children of Israel in the book of Numbers. I knew it would be cherished by her. She accepted her gift with rejoicing and much gladness.

It was her first time wearing it to prayer meeting, she was eager for it‘s “debut” so to speak, with expectation in her heart of the Power of Christ Jesus to abound like never before. Boy, was she not disappointed! I was not able to attend on that night because I am the bread winner of our family, and the day’s work did not allow me; although I did long deeply for our mid-week fellowship. Well; scarcely ten minutes after Glinda’s return from church, her stepfather (Charles) called me on my cellular, announcing the tragic news of Aaron’s sudden, shocking, and untimely death, while he (Glinda’s stepfather) was still in shock after finding Aaron’s body on his bed in his room at their home only minutes before calling me. Their home is not more than a mile from ours. Needless to say, it was the most heart breaking thing that I have ever had to tell Glinda, and I pray for the Lord’s mercy that it shall remain thus.

Pastor, again; time would absolutely fail me to detail to you all of the mighty works of the Lord Jesus Christ that we have been so blessed to witness and partake of in and through His Divine Nature, and His power in our lives; as they are endless and each mighty work is even more awesome than the one before. We do not know if what is happening to us and in us is going in the correct direction that He would have it to go, and we are in need of serious guidance. We are in love with the Lord; meanwhile, His power is coming forth like never before. Signs and wonders, things that we ourselves cannot begin to explain. We are both still fairly young, Glinda a little more so than me, but I do not believe anyone would declare that we are quite old enough or wise enough on our own to know what we are doing or where it is that we are going. We have been shaken to the core by a long sequence of events that even now continues to unfold before us. Things that we absolutely cannot ignore! But our hearts true desire is to abide in harmony with Christ’s body, His church and His members in the earth.

If I were to (merely) attempt to correctly identify what the gift of the Spirit that rest-eth upon my wife is, I could (only) guess that it is the discernment of spirits and/or prophecy. Possibly both. Even since I met her 7 years ago she has had the ability from the Almighty to visibly see with her eyes open unclean spirits in the person(s) on whom her eyes are laid. She has also many times in the past correctly identified the most secret thoughts of many people that she has encountered., even (and most often) me being the recipient of the knowledge from His Spirit. She sees many things that are not seen with eyes such as mine; our natural eyes. As of yet we together cannot fully explain or comprehend what it is exactly that is occurring, but I know that she loves the Lord Jesus Christ with every fiber of her being and daily depends on Him for everything. As do I.

I submit this statement only to defer to the fact that she does not operate in any other spirit than the Lord Jesus Christ’s, the risen Son of God, the Almighty’s only begotten Son. For we know that many dark souls in the world all throughout history have operated in a path of unrighteousness related to some form of witchcraft and we are not ignorant of Satan’s devices. Good examples of this kind of wickedness would be such as Simon the magician in the book of Acts or the medium whom Saul consulted in 1st Samuel. Our heart’s total and earnest desire is that His Spirit edifies the entire body of Christ, the church.

Again, I have never been to college and I trust that this assessment would be made best by someone who has humbly and obediently sought the Lord’s confirmation in this matter, possibly after talking with us and getting to know us a little better. Glinda is acquainted with many servants of Faith community church, and she was blessed to make their acquaintances through volunteering off and on in several ministries over the last few years; in-between pregnancies and such. But she is somewhat shy around others to a degree, as well as myself. We have been quiet sheep thus far, but the Lord Himself is shouting with His mighty Voice in our hearts! We have two young children, our elder child is 5 and the younger 3; Glinda is our homemaker.

We are praying for His answers and spiritual direction diligently, Pastor Steve. Nonetheless, we enjoy the fruit of His Spirit in the meantime. Praise Him who lives forever. We are constantly in awe of Him. Even in our sleep. He anointeth our heads with oil, our cup runneth over. The events of the last few weeks have been by far the greatest trial of fire to ever confront our family thus far, while Grace community has been vital in our whole family’s healing from this utterly devastating loss. Our (extended) family has attended Grace along with us for almost as long as we, but they have not become “official” members as of yet.

Glinda and her brother Aaron were very close to each other during their lives together. She is this day only three years older than he was when he went to be with the Lord just a very few days ago. Her grief has come upon her in waves; according to my own observance, and she experiences both days of power and days of weakness. Thank the Lord, she has so far had more days of power rather than weakness. I try my best to be understanding of her through His spirit; for Glinda’s brother is the closest person that I have ever known personally to die.

Pastor Steve and Becky, the Lord is working miracles in our lives each and every day, and we feel heavily the Lord’s calling to share with His mighty power the blessings that He hath given by His Spirit. Not ultimately (or solely) to Grace, but also to the Nations (if and when the Lord opens those doors to us) We will obey Him. We implore you Pastor Steve, we need an earthly counselor, we need someone who has walked the walk; and having done all, still stands. We do not know who we are to trust in this all, besides the Lord Himself of course; and we are hesitant to “pay” for a hired mentor. A hireling does not care about the sheep, but the true shepherd lays down His life for the sheep. He is our ultimate Shepherd. Behold: you are our earthly shepherd. We have both been praying for a Godly mentor, and we have both reached out within the flock of Faith. Glinda is a member of the Grace mass choir and the Grace writing group, while I have always been interested in the prison ministry and “helping hands“ (I am an electrician by occupation) .

We are hungry and thirsty for His righteousness, and in desperate need of some one on one counsel with an elder. Mr. Scott Abraham recently visited our home and ministered to Glinda’s mother, Mitzie. We were very grateful. We have all been having our good days and our worse days, for Aaron was the apple of his mother’s eye, and pricelessly precious in the eyes of his three sisters (Glinda Amanda & Shellie) Even I quietly admired him and was highly attracted to his personhood, even though he was 11 years my junior. We all miss him and loved him like Jonathon loved David; as our very own soul. We who were blessed in this life to know Aaron personally could not resist but to love and admire him, and one felt like a brother, just being his friend. I could and would write all day about that though.

Pastor, If I have been a bit unclear as to our purpose for this letter, well, I did already ask you to forgive my speech. Thank the Lord God , the Lord of hosts, I now choose to believe through faith that you can and will understand what I am attempting to communicate to you. There is a call on my wife Glinda’s life, and on my life. We will obey. We believe that it is in Faith community church in Houston Texas . If you (or one that you have chosen) would seek the Lord’s own face concerning the matter that I have shared with you, it would mean the world to us. We know that the Lord is not the author of confusion, and we firmly believe that if a Pastor, (preferably you or an elder that you trust) would be willing to counsel us in the Lord as the Lord wills, He will do (as He already has in times past and present) mighty things in a people called Faith; through His Holy Spirit and the gifts only He can bestow. For His is the Kingdom, the Power, and the Glory, forever and ever, Amen!

Pastor Steve and Becky, we remain, as it is this day, in awe of His revelations and His continual Presence in our home, in our hearts, and everywhere else that the Lord leads us day by day, it is He Himself who hath breathed into our hearts to appoint this letter to you. If it is found true that the Lord has indeed freshly stirred your hearts up, I invite you to contact us as the Lord wills, and whenever it is convenient to you. Perhaps; you may find place within your schedule (we know and understand that you are both devout servants of the Most High God). We are nevertheless eager to hear from you whenever it is that we do. You have been our shepherd from the podium for the past few revelatory years, yet unfortunately we have been afraid to approach you with personal needs and such things that are private. But believe me, we have admired you from afar for your unwavering devotion to the spreading of the gospel to the corners of the world. We have heard you speak the truth of the Lord from the pulpit for five years, and we have never once departed the church building from a message that you had preached disappointed, but rather full of Grace and Truth.

We have now found ourselves, through no particular intention or will of our own accord, in the desperate position of needing a guiding hand in the most intimate of ways, the spiritual. Please understand, friends, that even the moment that I submit this letter to you, my wife and I experience touches of fear mingled with fire in our hearts concerning the all that we will share with you; yet regardless of the outcome, it remains true that He is in control of the vast universe, and the desires of our hearts. I earnestly desire you to consider us in your prayers Pastor Steve and Becky, as we are both praying to the same Almighty God who is the same yesterday, today and forevermore. He does not give the Spirit by measure, that is certain, and even if the Lord’s word to you about us is not as we ourselves would have hoped, we love you and Becky with pure and unconditional love.

 

Sincerely, Your brother and sister in Christ;

 

Mr. & Mrs. Miguel Angel Bustamante

You are more than welcome to contact us in any of the following ways, as seems good to you.

By telephone:Home # (281) 922- 7655 Miguel cell (281) 683-2292 Glinda cell (281) 594-8660

Through the internet: miguel_bustamante2000@yahoo.com glindagail2000@aol.com

In Person:12323 Amsterdam Drive Houston , Texas 77089

Dark Night of the Soul

March 10, 2009

An expression used to describe a phase in a person’s spiritual life, a metaphor for a certain loneliness and desolation.” 

Dark Night of the Soul: a process where the incarnated soul hits “rock bottom” psychologically. If perceived properly, in truth a good thing for this is for many souls when they start seeking God again. If there was no such thing as “suffering” or hitting rock bottom people would be lost forever and never search God.” 

Dark Night of the Soul Many seekers would encourage the dark night experience if they knew what it was. However, to one engaged in the dark night, suffering seems unending.”

This is the song that never ends. Yes, it goes on and on my friends. The song is called, “Life“. When we started singing it we knew not what it was. Now we’ll continue singing it forever, just because.

Life never ends. Even when we are seperated from our physical bodies, we are not dead. Once God has created you, you are alive forevermore. After this physical life on earth, we are found in Him; still standing. Still alive. That life is even more real than this one, if you can accept it.

1Corinthians 2:9 (King James Version)   “But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love Him.”

What I think about when I read that verse is:

I have beheld with my own eyes, an exquisite scarlet rose perfectly speckled with a spray of fresh dew, at the crowning glory of it’s lifetime. I have gazed upon the magnificent snow capped mountain ranges of Montana, with their gorgeous scenery abundantly flourishing all around. I have savored the fragrance of pure frankinsense and un-adulterated myrrh, preciously formulated in none other than the Holy city of Jerusalem. I have heard with my ears the angelic, harmonious melodies of a choir in deep worship; sung perfectly in tune with a most granduous joy and true exuberance. Even still, I have tasted in my  mouth with the delicate and sensitive pallete, the freshest milk and purest of honey;  produced through the toil and accomplishment of the most noble of  bee colonies on the planet named Earth.  Still, the most thrilling of these even more: I have held in my arms my newborn babies, entrusted with the gift of His own creation. I have gently stroked my daughter’s subtle hair with the priviledged fingers of an unexperienced, eager mother. I’ve been honored to have kissed my son’s delightfully plump cheeks from top to bottom with loving, unconditional lips. Held each of their hands as they learned to walk on their own, until they were stable; not contemplating a tomorrow that might leave my hands or heart empty.

Psalms 30:5 “Though sorrow may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning.”  A dark night of the soul, IS A NIGHT, nonetheless. Genesis 1:5 “He divided the light from the darkness. He called the light “Day”, and the darkness, He called “Night”.” This enlightens me that He created the Day, and He hath also created the Night. Job 2:10 “Shall we indeed accept good from God, and not accept adversity?” I have felt propelled towards an identical scene, brother Job.

A favorite hymnal from my childhood has taken on a depth of meaning I had not experienced so thoroughly until recent days:  

When peace like a river attendeth my way                            

When sorrows like sea billows roll                                     

Whatever my lot  

Thou hast taught me to say 

Even so; It is well, with my soul.

Even so, Lord Jesus, It is well. You are the Lord who giveth. You are the Majesty; and you are the Lord who taketh away. Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I shall return. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Thank you my Lord, for letting joy come in the morning. Thank you for every breath that You have granted me thus far. Thank you for each and every friend that I have ever known. Thank you for the unsurpassable intimacy that You have given between my priceless and cherished brother and sisters. Thank You for bequeathing to me the most transcendent Mother that You Yourself have ever created. Thank you for your Peace. Thank you for Your grace. Thank you for Your mercy. Thank you, Lord, for being our daily bread. Thank you for beauty. Thank you for the ashes. Lord, thank you for Your Presence. I trust You for  survival through the darkest night my soul has ever known.

I love you Lord, I need You Lord. I require Your Presence more than my lungs demand oxygen. I trust you more than my heart is broken, bruised, crushed and in raw anguish. For my brother that You graciously lent me to sample and watch over for a time. I have sampled him daily, with a bond only a brother will make, for 21 years. He was good indeed, Lord. The best there ever was. You surely did create him a masterpiece, Lord; our darling Aaron Frank. You are the One who searches the heart, and knows it to the uttermost.

Psalm 56:8″Lord, You have taken account of my wanderings; Put my tears into Your bottle. Are they not in Your book?”  Not one sparrow falls to the ground apart from the Father’s will, and of how much more worth are you than many sparrows?

Revelation 22:5 “And there shall be no night there; and they need no candle, neither light of the sun; for the Lord God gives them light: and they shall reign for ever and ever.”Micah 7:8 “Though I dwell in darkness, the LORD is a light unto me.” Blessed be the name of the Lord!

 

Unicorn of Innocence

“HE WHO HAS AN EAR, LET HIM HEAR WHAT THE SPIRIT SAYS TO THE CHURCHES. TO HIM WHO OVERCOMES I WILL GIVE TO EAT FROM THE TREE OF LIFE, WHICH IS IN THE MIDST OF THE PARADISE OF GOD.” REVELATION 2:7

 

Children smile all the time. They are not ashamed of being blissful. Uninhibited at the possibility of a haunting rebuke, they cheerfully let their joy be witnessed by all in the vicinity. Beautiful rainbows consisting of open-mouthed expressions, laughing often at many ordinary things. They are fascinated constantly as the world unfolds so magically before their very eyes. They are not afraid to attempt whatever is before them…..being well pleased to explore the unfamiliar; even eager to endeavor to the greatest unknown.  Every person they encounter is automatically assumed to be their friend. They generously bestow love upon their companions while shamelessly accepting all that others may offer. They do not endorse the limitations of their own vulnerable condition; neither would they yield their conscience to weakness if they were to suddenly be made aware. Childhood is certainly the state of blindness in which one is observing with naivety, the totality of all existing things.

 

Yet just as mortal sin is introduced, the child is hastily bereaved of his natural ability to smile in confidence for no reason in particular. This universal fall from Grace, working swiftly; as to permanently disable the bravery of a guileless mind. Thus, the unicorn of innocence is dethroned, retreating in rejection to the deepest corners of the forrest of his memory; likely never to be comprehended fully again. One can scarcely aspire to the age of consent before pondering in himself….What has happened to me? Why am I so afraid? Why are these waves of sorrow beating mercilessly onto the shores of my consciousness? Where did the everlasting sunshine go? Does it even still exist?

 

Lost are the days of being proud of his accomplishments, gone like the wind are his smiles without reason. The vultures of guilt are all but reluctant to swoop down ravenously on the delicious scraps of his self-worth. They devour utterly, leaving no wholesome bone left over.  The chambers of his heart, once transparant to the public, are now guarded by an army that detests him with a passion. He does not dare to display such personal filthiness to an ear alienated from his own. Legions of the Damned appear to stand down for the guard; no foot shall tread this border unscathed. The curtains are sealed tightly. All the while… the mystery of his password is engraved onto the inpenetratable stonewall.

 

A familiar voice is calling, whispering quietly behind his back. Knock Knock! Who’s there? It’s me! Me who?…. I said ME WHO??? Only silence answers.

 

A seperate voice is calling, shouting loudly in his face. It wakes the dead and commands the army to attention:

Knock Knock! “Who’s there? No, he’s not home. This house has been abandonned, it stands vacant and alone. The master is forsaken, and we are deployed to rule the empty city. What are our wages? We own all that he was. We have power over his affairs, for by means of forfeiture he has sacrificed his rights. The decorations of our presence have been established; stained upon his very identity”

 

Year by year, the light of his city fades. Hell fires burn rampant throughout the commons, viciously licking up all that mattered in it’s gluttonous sight. All the bridges to soundness have been burned, and the springs of water have dried up…leaving no well of peaceful solace to the man. The Garden of Eden is now a diesase.Every now and then, the man peeks in. He acknowledges the mystery of his password, and takes a few steps forward. He does not want to live there, that is sure, and is instantly overwhelmed by the mess that the army has left to his property. He cries out bitterly to no one, while no one hears his anguished lament. Echoes of darkness ring furiously like funeral bells throughout the thirsty land.

 

The legion recognize that he is back; behold… they deny he is the master.

 

“Get out of here! You are not welcome! Shoo! Shoo!” they scream. Hisses of disgust at the man’s return are fired non-stop and point blank, like cannons of a brigade. He races to escape in terror as fast as his feet will flee;  leaving the desolate land to it’s own self destruction.

 

A familiar voice is calling, whispering quietly behind his back. Knock Knock! Who’s there? It’s me! Me who?

 

“The unicorn of innocence. There is only one of Me. I am very precious, though you have not eyes to see. I’ve been perfect from beginning, and I am never wrong. I will scare your fears to death, I will make you strong.”

 

“Come in please Lord!!! I need you now!!! My future is not right. The army is so ruthless, they have raped me of my sight! I don’t know who I am, oh Lord they won’t let me back in! I have no key to open, see; I have nothing but sin.”

 

“Dear child of Mine, I love you so. There is no one in your house. The Garden holds a Spirit, Yes; but not one of a louse. You’re free to go, my child…to peace. I will shield you now. Have no fear, be full of cheer! I send HIS rainbow out!”

 

A familliar voice is calling, this time I know His name. Twas my own self, I was the man; the army He has slain! He is as the unicorn, His strength is in His hornOh blameless Lamb, You save each manFor I have been rebornI am a child again!

 

I smile all the time. I am not ashamed of being blissful. I am uninhibited at the possibility of a haunting rebuke, I cheerfully let my joy be witnessed by all in the vicinity. I am beautiful rainbows consisting of open-mouthed expressions, I laugh often at many ordinary things. I am fascinated constantly as the world unfolds so magically before my very eyes. I am not afraid to attempt whatever is before me…..I am well pleased to explore the unfamiliar; even eager to endeavor to the greatest unknown.

 

Every person I encounter is automatically assumed to be my friend. I generously bestow love upon my companions while I shamelessly accept all that others will offer. I do not endorse the limitations of my own vulnerable condition; neither would I yield my conscience to my weaknesses if I were to suddenly be made aware. Childhood is certainly the state of eternity with the Son, in which I am observing with clarity the totality of all existing things. Hallelujah to the Lamb of God, Who Was, Who Is, And Who Is To Come!

 

“LET THE LITTLE CHILDREN COME TO ME, AND DO NOT FORBID THEM; FOR OF SUCH IS THE KINGDOM OF GOD. ASSUREDLY, I SAY TO YOU, WHOEVER DOES NOT RECEIVE THE KINGDOM OF GOD AS A LITTLE CHILD WILL BY NO MEANS ENTER IT.” LUKE 18:16-17

The Dope Game

My application for forgiveness

Long denied and thrown away

Still I strived for some redemption

But this game was hard to play

Substitution seemed the answer

Something else to kill the pain

While I searched for something deeper

What I found was quite the same

Yet satisfied with what I tried

The dope worked like a charm

To ease the hurt and make things work

Assuring me no harm

Suddenly….the boat got shaky

As the cost for joy increased

Though I didn’t have the money

The drugs still wait for me

From then on I was willing

All I need is to get high

As I’m planning future binges

Speed preoccupies my mind

I sold my soul for these addictions

I won’t stop until I’m gone

I try hard not to admit it

I had lost and they had won

Face to face with my new master

And the keeper of my soul

My desire overwhelms me

I…………no longer in control

This life’s not worth the living

If my life is not my own

I chose these pills against my will

And now I can’t go home

We watch my body whither

Grow too weak and frail for looks

I don’t care for my appearance

Just one hit is all it took

This world says things are over

There’s no choice but to give up.

This hell was too expensive

And my life was not enough

Glinda Bustamante